She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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