At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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