Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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