You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
