I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize