your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
