Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
