your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
