I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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