im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
