She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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