I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
