pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
