... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
