nut hugger
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
