I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
