My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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