he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
