in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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