Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
