I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
