my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
