party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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