i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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