I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
