Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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