sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
