some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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