using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
