End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
