Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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