Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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