i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
