I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
