I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
