I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
