Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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