Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize