Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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