So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
