just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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