remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
