That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
