my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
