he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
