I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
