Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
