There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
