ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
