Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
