Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
