I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
