@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
