Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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