Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
