I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
