Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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