I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
