Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
