I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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