the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
