I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
