did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
